I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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