just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
