benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
