Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
