i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
