I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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