dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
