He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
