P.S. I can't hear my feet
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
