my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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