And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
