if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
