I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
