please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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