My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
