last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
