There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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