I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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