That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
