she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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