WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
