you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
