my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
