he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
There's a naked man in my car right now.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
