I got chris browned last night
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
