yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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