Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
