my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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