um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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