You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
