She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
