Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
