you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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