I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
