she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
