Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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