Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
