Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
