Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
