When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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