Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
