I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
