In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
