I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
