I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
