Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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