Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
