Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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