i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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