Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
