what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
