Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
