Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
